I hope in you
by shimo hyozan
Summary: SONGFIC. Was all hope gone? //x-posted somewhere else. Please be kind with your reviews. Contains BL implications. You've also been warned//


**Title:** I hope in you  
**Category:** Code Geass R1; Angst, Drama  
**Rating:** PG for the relationship, but for my standards, a G would suffice.  
**Pairing/s:** suzuXluluXsuzu (LOL, I think) with implied INCESTY secret!pairing inside!  
**Warnings:** YEAH BABY ANNNGGGSSSTT (I don't know why, but suzuXlulu is just _so_ made for angst fics) I found a NEEDY part here. Hahaha though, the angst here is quite minimal compared the dosage a fellow writer/friend of mine suffices  
**Disclaimer:** Code Geass belongs to Sunrise  
**Notes:** Somehow set to Lulu's POV. Songfic? An emo (sort-of) song by Urbandub. Title is "Guillotine". (Lyrics are in italics **and** enclosed in //slashes//)  
**Summary:** Was all hope gone?

It was a little after school hours when Lelouch Lamperouge walked down the crowd-packed hallways. He huffed as he sneaked his way towards a deserted corridor to his right. With a heavy heart, he made his way for the stairwell. Since it was dismissal time and a Friday too, most of the students of Ashford Academy would spend their afternoons outside school grounds. Usually Lelouch would do the same but ever since he'd taken up the persona of Zero, he's been stuck to watching the news and scheming ways to overthrow the Britannian Army.

He opened the door to the stairwell and started his descent upward. Times like this, he longed for the solitary stillness of being alone, even for just a while.

For a short while indeed, since when he reached the second landing, someone else was there. The person was leaning on the wall casually, head down and bangs covering his face.

Lelouch was surprised to find a person there, when he was _so_ sure that all the students have vacated the school. His second surprise was that he _knew_ that person.

"Suzaku?" he called out

The person snapped his head up and looked at him. A very shocked expression appeared on his face and Suzaku made an attempt for the door when Lelouch stopped him with his voice "wait!", as he reached out a hand to stop him.

The transfer student halted as the familiar hand grasped onto his wrist. Eyes downcast, he didn't move yet tried to free himself from the restraint. But the other wouldn't allow it.

"Suzaku, what's wrong?" Lelouch asked. He could sense that something was worrying his friend.

There was no answer.

"Look at me, Suzaku. Please"

The white Knightmare pilot gave a little jerk from the last work uttered. Lelouch furrowed his brows then tugged a bit on the wrist he held on his hand, trying to get a response from the other.

It happened in a flash, as Suzaku turned around but did not meet his gaze. Instead, he took a step forward then rested his forehead on the Britannian's shoulder. Lelouch was completely confused, but kept quiet as he waited for his friend to speak.

Suddenly, "Lelouch, do you remember that time, eight years ago, by that river?"

Eyelids closed over purple eyes as their owner smiled inwardly. "it was around summer, yes?"

A shake of the head denied his answer, and Suzaku said "No, not that time. The _other_ time…"

"…it was spring. I…remember it…clearly…" He had deliberately tried to forget _that _time, yet his mind promptly supplied the scene. He did not know why, but his heartbeat quickened in pace as memories flooded his mind.

_//What's done is done  
And we've crossed the line  
Your indecision is taking over every time  
Your pride, my anger  
Our situation is worse than ever//_

"W-why do you ask so suddenly?" Lelouch tried to keep his voice leveled so that he could keep the situation under control.

"…why, you ask?" the brown-haired said while heaving a sigh. "Probably because I'm bothered by it…" and with that, arms crept around his torso and enveloped him with a warm embrace.

_//We've taken this too far  
We've had our run  
With your arms wrapped tight  
Around my neck  
Close my eyes I sink and grasp for breath//_

"Suzaku…" Lelouch breathed out as his companion's arms snaked up to his neck. He was feeling it again, the mixed emotions so like that spring time they had spent by the riverbanks. He long thought that those would leave him and would be classified as simply childish.

Seems like he was wrong, because those emotions were all out once again, toying with him exactly the same way it did eight years ago.

As his mind battled with his emotions, his friend suddenly uttered "I'm sorry, Lelouch"

He couldn't comprehend what the apology was for, when lips overlapped with his, completely catching him off-guard.

Lelouch's mind went blank, yet a certain event earlier that day played over his head. The very thing that led him to this stairwell and finding himself in such a situation.

'_that announcement…and her…'_

A certain pink-haired girl flashed in his mind.

_//She's with someone new.//_

But the second later, it disappeared, and only that moment there existed.

_//All hope is gone  
And since you're never gonna change  
I'll erase your taste and let you go slowly  
Suddenly I wasn't enough  
Your lust disguised as love.//_

That moment existed; it was so palpable that his whole body could feel it. And he decided then and there to surrender here instead. This comfort was an alternative to some emotional breakdown he'd experience if he went straight home.

_//You're pushing me too far  
We've had our run  
With your arms wrapped tight  
Around my neck  
Close my eyes I sink and grasp for breath.//_

Suzaku broke away, looked down to the floor and closed his eyes. He was about to turn around when a body was thrown towards him. Lelouch's arms went around his neck and hands gently tilted his head back towards his shoulder.

"Don't leave me, Suzaku. I need you now"

_//She's with someone new.//_  
_  
_If he couldn't have that, he'd have this instead. And he'd have it now.

_//This whole time with me  
Was just another lie  
Threw my feelings up and down  
You're just a little inconsiderate.//_

As he held him, he wiped her out from his mind. Such a distance separated them now, and as he saw it now, it was just remotely impossible. From the very start, it really was.

_//What's done is done  
And we've crossed the line  
Your indecision is taking over every time  
Your pride, my anger  
Our situation is worse than ever//_

"Lelouch…I can't…I'm sorry…" Suzaku said quietly

Arms loosened their grip, and hands held onto the other's cheeks "Stay with me, Suzaku. I-I…need someone to…" he couldn't continue anymore.

_//All hope is gone  
And since you're never gonna change  
I'll erase your taste and let you go slowly  
Suddenly I wasn't enough  
Your lust disguised as love.//_

Purple orbs slowly swam in pools of crystalline liquid. Suzaku's expression softened and he smiled a little "now now, why must you cry?"

Lelouch let go of the face he was holding onto then rubbed his tears away. It was silly, really, to be crying in front of someone. He sniffed and cleared his eyes some more.

Hands held his face once more, and a gentle kiss was planted on his forehead. The gesture caused a small smile to form on his lips.

_//All hope is gone//_

All hope was gone with her, but with this one it was another story.

And as he tilted his head upwards to meet with the same warm lips, he felt a newfound hope that ebbed away all those sad feelings.


End file.
